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Message for the Week: Getting through the first year of grieving

By Charlene Mabins

In the time of grief, we are angry, sad and feel left alone. We have nowhere and no one to turn to. Death and heartache are uncertain. When tragedy strikes, our hearts are empty because there are pieces missing. You feel as though part of you has died with a loved one and can never return. But there is hope; there is a way to heal and see the light again. I have found inspiration through grief counseling, meditation, and reading positive books to help me cope with the death of my son, Christopher. First, I asked the question, “Why did this happen so suddenly?” This is so meaningless/. But through prayer and hope, I realized my faith in God. I was so angry; I did not want to talk to anyone. Later, it occurred to me that just as I grieved there might be others grieving as well. I have seen a lot in my lifetime and still the question would remain, why? It took a long time for me to realize that we don’t always have to answer questions just because someone asks; primarily because we are not always the holder of the answers/ It is important for us to know that God is the keeper of all answers to all questions. And if we do not ask, we will never know. Throughout this process, I realized that God has been in the picture all of the time and has provided for me, continuously. My son committed suicide on September 16th, 2007, and as you can imagine that was the beginning of a major change in my life.

Initially, I wanted to reach out for help for myself when I found myself reaching out to help other people. After Christopher’s death I faced obstacles and challenges beyond belief. I would think about my son and how he must have felt when he had troubling thoughts on his mind, and couldn’t explain what he was going through. On the day that he died I thought to myself, “what didn’t I say that could have made a difference?” That was my starting point and I made a promise to myself that I would try to be open and truthful. For almost a year, I would send text messages via my cell phone, once a week to family members and friends with a little something to keep them going and to let them know that life isn’t so bad. Ironically as I pursued this mission of helping others through God’s word, I felt enormous healing myself. I received a lot of great reviews and compliments in return. But more importantly, reaching out to others in my worst time of trouble helped me to heal and understand that I did not grieve alone.