LOSS Program Office
721 N. LaSalle Street
Chicago, IL 60654
Main Line: (312) 655-7283
Fax Line: (312) 948-3340

Today is Not Easy

By Linda DuBos

I hardly know where to begin
Here it is Christmas time
The first since you left us
My heart is broken
There is no tree, no lights
No holiday cheer
No presents, no ribbons
No bows
Our house is barren.

Today is not easy.

Outside the world is beautiful
I do enjoy all the music
The decorated houses
The friendly smiles
The hustle and bustle
I so wish you were here
To enjoy it with me
Like we did every year.

Today is not easy.

Outside everything is
Red and green and frosty white
Inside I am wrapped in a cocoon without color
Black and gray
I am isolated and alone
Even when I am surrounded by people
I am isolated and alone.

Today is not easy.

But I am safe in my colorless world
You said you would always be watching over me
I believe you; and I know that you are holding me
Protecting me
And as long as I know and believe that
Perhaps I won’t fall and some day
I’ll break free and emerge
a stronger, better person
Some day. Maybe.

Today is not easy.

They say if you assist a butterfly emerging from its cocoon, it will die.
Its wings will never be strong enough so it can fly
Is that also true of humans?
If I struggle and push and pull and finally break free,
Will those I love be there with loving kindness
When I emerge?
Who besides you even knows that I am lost?
Does anyone know that I am missing?

Today is not easy.

If I had gotten my wings sooner,
I would have wrapped them around
Those I love and kept them safe
And protected them
From the harsh reality of life and death.
But I didn’t and I couldn’t.

I think I will stay here a little longer.
Life is just too hard to live right now.

Today is not easy.