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From the Desk of Father Rubey
Friday, May 01, 2015 by Father Rubey
You may never have heard of Tommy Caldwell and Kevin Jorgeson who recently completed a climb in Yosemite National Park. They scaled the Dawn Wall in Yosemite which is considered the most treacherous climb in the world. I followed their progress as it was reported in the newspaper. I was fascinated by their dedication and their tenacity as they persevered to reach their goal. At the end of the climb one of them remarked that everyone in life has a Dawn Wall to scale. I naturally thought of the members of the LOSS family who have their own Dawn Wall to scale as they grieve the loss of a loved one from suicide. I am sure that no event in the life of a survivor can come close to grieving the loss of a loved one from suicide. Survivors are challenged to scale this Dawn Wall of grief. The two climbers had a roadmap of the climb but they had to scale each foot of the climb slowly and painfully and sometimes go inch by inch. There were rough edges on the rocky surface of the climb and it wore their fingers to the bone. It was true grit that got them through this endeavor. They both had climbed before but never did they accomplish something like mastering the Dawn Wall. This was their first attempt.

When survivors first experience their loss there is no roadmap to help them get through this awful time in their lives. They begin their journey wondering if they are going to be able to endure the pain and get through this challenge without losing their minds. Literally, survivors feel as if they are going crazy because their lives have been so disrupted that they don’t know if they can continue to live –or if they want to continue to live without this loved one. This loved one was such an important part of the life of the survivor that one can’t imagine a life without this person. For the survivor life has ended and in a way their life has ended. Life with this loved one is over and now survivors have to discover the life that will be evolving over time. This experience becomes the Dawn Wall for the survivor.

In May, we celebrate Mother’s Day. This is an especially painful day for mothers who are grieving the loss of a child from suicide or a child who is grieving the loss of a mother or a grandmother from suicide. Mother’s Day has always been a day when the role of mother is celebrated and family members give gifts and treat this mother in a very special way. She literally becomes “Queen for a Day”. When this woman is suddenly taken away from a family in such a tragic and unforeseen way the rest of the family is completely devastated and flounders away like a ship lost at sea in a wild storm. For weeks and months the survivors are struggling trying to find answers as to why this very vital person of the family would do such a thing to the family. Survivors might descend into an almost bottomless pit of guilt and despair. This is a very normal reaction to losing a loved one from suicide. There are a myriad number of feelings that come over the survivor. These feelings become the Dawn Wall for survivors. These survivors struggle with looking for answers to their many questions. Sometimes there are answers and sometimes there are no answers to satisfy the queries of survivors. One thing is certain and that is that a person does not complete suicide to hurt family members. When anyone completes suicide it sends a message to the world that the pain of living has become unbearable. Suicide is the direct result of unbearable mental pain –pain that has gripped the mind and soul of this person. Sometimes there are signs and more often than not there are no signs that this person is thinking of doing something to harm themselves. Seeking answers for why a loved one takes their life becomes a mission in life. Ultimately in the vast majority of situations there are no adequate answers to the question of why this loved one took their life. The most common response by survivors is the fact that this person was so loved in life and didn’t they know that they were so loved. Unfortunately love is not enough to keep someone alive. Their ability to experience and feel the love of family members has become so blurred by the pain of mental illness, that their ability to experience and respond to this love becomes a Dawn Wall for them. In this instance the Dawn Wall has become an impossibility and has defeated the person. The pain in the person’s life has won out and they have found the peace that eluded them in life.

The Dawn Wall that survivors are asked to climb is a very lengthy and treacherous climb. Maybe the fingers of survivors are not worn to the bone but the pain of the soul and the emotional life is worn very thin and almost destroyed. The life of survivors seems as if it is not worth living. A major void has been created in these lives. It is true that the life that the survivor had with this deceased loved one is over but there is a new and different life on the horizon that is there waiting to be discovered and enriched. No one can predict what this new life is like. It takes the courage of survivors to discover and be willing to allow this new life to unfold and evolve. For the survivor life is not over. Who knows what is in store in the hereafter? No one here knows. We have to wait to cross the threshold and then we will see. In the meantime, survivors are challenged to forge ahead and see what is on the horizon for them. This takes courage and a willingness to climb the Dawn Wall and see what is in store for them.

I want to assure each and every member of the LOSS family of my thoughts and prayers on a regular basis and I encourage you to do the same for each other –especially for those who have recently joined our family. I also encourage everyone to remember those members of our family for whom Mother’s Day is especially painful.

Keep On Keepin’ On,



Archives:

From the Desk of Father Rubey
Friday, May 01, 2015 by Father Rubey
You may never have heard of Tommy Caldwell and Kevin Jorgeson who recently completed a climb in Yosemite National Park. They scaled the Dawn Wall in Yosemite which is considered the most treacherous climb in the world. I followed their progress as it was reported in the newspaper. I was fascinated by their dedication and their tenacity as they persevered to reach their goal. At the end of the climb one of them remarked that everyone in life has a Dawn Wall to scale. I naturally thought of the members of the LOSS family who have their own Dawn Wall to scale as they grieve the loss of a loved one from suicide. I am sure that no event in the life of a survivor can come close to grieving the loss of a loved one from suicide. Survivors are challenged to scale this Dawn Wall of grief. The two climbers had a roadmap of the climb but they had to scale each foot of the climb slowly and painfully and sometimes go inch by inch. There were rough edges on the rocky surface of the climb and it wore their fingers to the bone. It was true grit that got them through this endeavor. They both had climbed before but never did they accomplish something like mastering the Dawn Wall. This was their first attempt.

When survivors first experience their loss there is no roadmap to help them get through this awful time in their lives. They begin their journey wondering if they are going to be able to endure the pain and get through this challenge without losing their minds. Literally, survivors feel as if they are going crazy because their lives have been so disrupted that they don’t know if they can continue to live –or if they want to continue to live without this loved one. This loved one was such an important part of the life of the survivor that one can’t imagine a life without this person. For the survivor life has ended and in a way their life has ended. Life with this loved one is over and now survivors have to discover the life that will be evolving over time. This experience becomes the Dawn Wall for the survivor.

In May, we celebrate Mother’s Day. This is an especially painful day for mothers who are grieving the loss of a child from suicide or a child who is grieving the loss of a mother or a grandmother from suicide. Mother’s Day has always been a day when the role of mother is celebrated and family members give gifts and treat this mother in a very special way. She literally becomes “Queen for a Day”. When this woman is suddenly taken away from a family in such a tragic and unforeseen way the rest of the family is completely devastated and flounders away like a ship lost at sea in a wild storm. For weeks and months the survivors are struggling trying to find answers as to why this very vital person of the family would do such a thing to the family. Survivors might descend into an almost bottomless pit of guilt and despair. This is a very normal reaction to losing a loved one from suicide. There are a myriad number of feelings that come over the survivor. These feelings become the Dawn Wall for survivors. These survivors struggle with looking for answers to their many questions. Sometimes there are answers and sometimes there are no answers to satisfy the queries of survivors. One thing is certain and that is that a person does not complete suicide to hurt family members. When anyone completes suicide it sends a message to the world that the pain of living has become unbearable. Suicide is the direct result of unbearable mental pain –pain that has gripped the mind and soul of this person. Sometimes there are signs and more often than not there are no signs that this person is thinking of doing something to harm themselves. Seeking answers for why a loved one takes their life becomes a mission in life. Ultimately in the vast majority of situations there are no adequate answers to the question of why this loved one took their life. The most common response by survivors is the fact that this person was so loved in life and didn’t they know that they were so loved. Unfortunately love is not enough to keep someone alive. Their ability to experience and feel the love of family members has become so blurred by the pain of mental illness, that their ability to experience and respond to this love becomes a Dawn Wall for them. In this instance the Dawn Wall has become an impossibility and has defeated the person. The pain in the person’s life has won out and they have found the peace that eluded them in life.

The Dawn Wall that survivors are asked to climb is a very lengthy and treacherous climb. Maybe the fingers of survivors are not worn to the bone but the pain of the soul and the emotional life is worn very thin and almost destroyed. The life of survivors seems as if it is not worth living. A major void has been created in these lives. It is true that the life that the survivor had with this deceased loved one is over but there is a new and different life on the horizon that is there waiting to be discovered and enriched. No one can predict what this new life is like. It takes the courage of survivors to discover and be willing to allow this new life to unfold and evolve. For the survivor life is not over. Who knows what is in store in the hereafter? No one here knows. We have to wait to cross the threshold and then we will see. In the meantime, survivors are challenged to forge ahead and see what is on the horizon for them. This takes courage and a willingness to climb the Dawn Wall and see what is in store for them.

I want to assure each and every member of the LOSS family of my thoughts and prayers on a regular basis and I encourage you to do the same for each other –especially for those who have recently joined our family. I also encourage everyone to remember those members of our family for whom Mother’s Day is especially painful.

Keep On Keepin’ On,