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From the Desk of Father Rubey
Wednesday, July 01, 2015 by Father Rubey
The month of July is a great month for summer get togethers and barbecues. It is right in the middle of summer and we remember our nation’s founding. There are fireworks and all sorts of different ways to remember the birth of our wonderful country. Our heroes fought for our freedom and they accomplished it at great sacrifice and at great costs. We should all be forever grateful for what they did for us. They separated us from an oppressive regime and we are able to strive and work hard to become a great country. Is it perfect? Not really but I think that it is the envy of the world and that is the reason that so many people are making sacrifices to try to get to this country. We read on almost a daily basis of people who are making the effort to escape from war torn countries and countries who are ruled by oppressive regimes where the rights of humans are being denied and people are jailed for fighting for basic human rights. Many people die on the way to freedom as they drown in the sea as a result of unsavory smugglers. What a price to pay for things that we take for granted. The fights continue as people are striving to obtain many of the rights and privileges that we have and oftentimes don’t fully appreciate.

One of the issues that survivors of a completed suicide have to wrestle with is the great loss of that person who has been separated from them due to the suicide. One of the first issues that has to be grappled with is how to continue living in the face of the absence of this vital person, be it a husband, wife, mother, father, son, daughter, brother or sister. Because that person has died, and a gaping hole has been created in a family system, that is not a reason for a family to disintegrate. It is vital that the remaining members of the family and close friends come together and try to figure out just how life is going to be lived as the group ventures forth into the future without this important person in their midst. Life is going to be very different but life is going to continue without this person. The survivors still have a life to live and the challenge is going to be just what steps need to be taken to create a future without this person. Life is going to be very different but life will continue to evolve. In the immediate aftermath of the suicide family members might be so distraught that they can’t possibly imagine life without this much loved person. It takes some time and a great deal of thought to envision and plan a future that can be productive. Out of this work we ultimately experience pleasure and joy. At the beginning of the grief journey some of those thoughts seem impossible to attain. In the beginning, the future seems so very scary without this person and survivors are very reluctant to even think of life without this person. Let alone venture forth into the future without him or her. This can be overwhelming and the source of great fright. Survivors think of that person who was so loved and is now gone from life forever. Survivors might not want to live without this person and feel as if life cannot be lived. The future is going to unfold one day at a time. Days seem almost endless as survivors go through the motion of living life without this person. The future seems very bleak and without hope as survivors strive to create a future. Mistakes are made as different ways are tried to fill the void and the void remains. Nothing seems to work. In the beginning there is a lot of support from various people and survivors discover the goodness of people as they rally around the survivors and after a period of time the support begins to disappear as people get on with their lives. For those people who are mostly impacted by the suicide life has not returned to normal. This loved one is still gone forever and their absence is still felt very keenly. Now what?

David Brooks recently wrote an article where he referred to some people as stumblers. Stumblers are people who do not ask what do I want from life but rather what is life asking of me? Their lives are often patterned by defeat and then redemption. There are series of ups and downs. These people see moments of suffering as opportunities for growth and self-understanding. The suffering that these stumblers experience is part of a larger narrative of the suffering that goes on in the world around us. We are not alone in our suffering but there is a vast world out there that is suffering along with us as we struggle in life. Survivors of suicide are most likely engaged in the biggest battle of their lives and this struggle should not be viewed as something that is going to leave them broken forever but rather this is an opportunity for real self- growth. One can wade through this turmoil and come out the other end as a better person, one who appreciates life more than the person who has never had to struggle. Stumblers don’t try to be better than other people but they try to be better than they used to be.
Survivors of a suicide are challenged to try to create a fulfilling and joyful life after losing a loved one from suicide. At the beginning survivors view their lives as being over and they just want to die to escape this horrendous pain. They are correct in viewing their lives as over. The life that was experienced with this departed loved one is over but as the grief journey is traversed a new life is there waiting to be discovered. If the grief journey is successfully traversed there is joy, pleasure and happiness waiting to be discovered. Life is going to be different without this loved one but life is not over for survivors. 

As we celebrate our independence on the 4th of July may we also recommit ourselves to discovering what lies ahead in our lives that will bring us happiness and a sense of self satisfaction. There are opportunities out there waiting for us to discover and it takes courage and tenacity to venture forth into the future. My prayer is that members of the LOSS family will take the opportunity to want to go forth to discover a future that is within their reach. My prayers are with you and for you and I encourage you to remember each other in thought and prayer and especially for those people who have recently joined our family.

Keep On Keepin’ On,


Archives:

From the Desk of Father Rubey
Wednesday, July 01, 2015 by Father Rubey
The month of July is a great month for summer get togethers and barbecues. It is right in the middle of summer and we remember our nation’s founding. There are fireworks and all sorts of different ways to remember the birth of our wonderful country. Our heroes fought for our freedom and they accomplished it at great sacrifice and at great costs. We should all be forever grateful for what they did for us. They separated us from an oppressive regime and we are able to strive and work hard to become a great country. Is it perfect? Not really but I think that it is the envy of the world and that is the reason that so many people are making sacrifices to try to get to this country. We read on almost a daily basis of people who are making the effort to escape from war torn countries and countries who are ruled by oppressive regimes where the rights of humans are being denied and people are jailed for fighting for basic human rights. Many people die on the way to freedom as they drown in the sea as a result of unsavory smugglers. What a price to pay for things that we take for granted. The fights continue as people are striving to obtain many of the rights and privileges that we have and oftentimes don’t fully appreciate.

One of the issues that survivors of a completed suicide have to wrestle with is the great loss of that person who has been separated from them due to the suicide. One of the first issues that has to be grappled with is how to continue living in the face of the absence of this vital person, be it a husband, wife, mother, father, son, daughter, brother or sister. Because that person has died, and a gaping hole has been created in a family system, that is not a reason for a family to disintegrate. It is vital that the remaining members of the family and close friends come together and try to figure out just how life is going to be lived as the group ventures forth into the future without this important person in their midst. Life is going to be very different but life is going to continue without this person. The survivors still have a life to live and the challenge is going to be just what steps need to be taken to create a future without this person. Life is going to be very different but life will continue to evolve. In the immediate aftermath of the suicide family members might be so distraught that they can’t possibly imagine life without this much loved person. It takes some time and a great deal of thought to envision and plan a future that can be productive. Out of this work we ultimately experience pleasure and joy. At the beginning of the grief journey some of those thoughts seem impossible to attain. In the beginning, the future seems so very scary without this person and survivors are very reluctant to even think of life without this person. Let alone venture forth into the future without him or her. This can be overwhelming and the source of great fright. Survivors think of that person who was so loved and is now gone from life forever. Survivors might not want to live without this person and feel as if life cannot be lived. The future is going to unfold one day at a time. Days seem almost endless as survivors go through the motion of living life without this person. The future seems very bleak and without hope as survivors strive to create a future. Mistakes are made as different ways are tried to fill the void and the void remains. Nothing seems to work. In the beginning there is a lot of support from various people and survivors discover the goodness of people as they rally around the survivors and after a period of time the support begins to disappear as people get on with their lives. For those people who are mostly impacted by the suicide life has not returned to normal. This loved one is still gone forever and their absence is still felt very keenly. Now what?

David Brooks recently wrote an article where he referred to some people as stumblers. Stumblers are people who do not ask what do I want from life but rather what is life asking of me? Their lives are often patterned by defeat and then redemption. There are series of ups and downs. These people see moments of suffering as opportunities for growth and self-understanding. The suffering that these stumblers experience is part of a larger narrative of the suffering that goes on in the world around us. We are not alone in our suffering but there is a vast world out there that is suffering along with us as we struggle in life. Survivors of suicide are most likely engaged in the biggest battle of their lives and this struggle should not be viewed as something that is going to leave them broken forever but rather this is an opportunity for real self- growth. One can wade through this turmoil and come out the other end as a better person, one who appreciates life more than the person who has never had to struggle. Stumblers don’t try to be better than other people but they try to be better than they used to be.
Survivors of a suicide are challenged to try to create a fulfilling and joyful life after losing a loved one from suicide. At the beginning survivors view their lives as being over and they just want to die to escape this horrendous pain. They are correct in viewing their lives as over. The life that was experienced with this departed loved one is over but as the grief journey is traversed a new life is there waiting to be discovered. If the grief journey is successfully traversed there is joy, pleasure and happiness waiting to be discovered. Life is going to be different without this loved one but life is not over for survivors. 

As we celebrate our independence on the 4th of July may we also recommit ourselves to discovering what lies ahead in our lives that will bring us happiness and a sense of self satisfaction. There are opportunities out there waiting for us to discover and it takes courage and tenacity to venture forth into the future. My prayer is that members of the LOSS family will take the opportunity to want to go forth to discover a future that is within their reach. My prayers are with you and for you and I encourage you to remember each other in thought and prayer and especially for those people who have recently joined our family.

Keep On Keepin’ On,