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From the desk of Father Rubey
Sunday, November 01, 2015 by Father Rubey
During the month of November we celebrate the feast of Thanksgiving which is one of the great American celebrations. It is a day when families gather to watch football and have a great meal of turkey and all of the trimmings. A lot of work goes into preparation for the day. All of the shopping that is done is for the food to make the day a real love feast. People try to outdo each other as they prepare the meal. A lot of love goes into the preparation for this day. In many instances Thanksgiving stretches into the whole weekend, it is more than just one day. Families are able to enjoy each other and each other’s presence. It is a great family celebration. Generally, people are in great moods because they are not tired out from running all over the place. 

Thanksgiving is also a time to take stock of some decisions that we have made in our lives. In my estimation, there are two types of decisions that we make in our lives. One type of decision is such that does not transform our lives. Our lives remain basically the same. Such a decision makes an accidental change in life but it is not transformative. An example of such a change would be to make a job change such as going from a sales job to a marketing type of job. One might remain within the same company or go to a different company. Basically, one’s life remains the same. The other type of change is more dramatic and is referred to as a transformational type of change. This type of a decision changes the dynamic of the person’s life. An example of this type of change is the decision to have a child. Such a decision is life-altering in that nothing is the same as before. Another example is the decision to get married. Once that decision is made one alters the life that they had before the marriage. That life that was lived before the marriage is over and a completely different type of life is now going to be experienced. Sometimes these transformational decisions are made by the person or persons and such people live out the results of the decision. They willingly entered into the transformational decision that was made and they willingly live with the consequences of such a decision. 

There are other types of transformational decisions that are made that impact the lives of people who had no part in the decision making process. If a spouse makes the decision that life has become too painful to continue and they end their life, this decision will impact the surviving spouse as well as any children that make up the family structure. If a child makes the decision to end their life this decision will impact the parents as well as the siblings that are a part of the family system. Suicide is by no means a simple decision, and the result of a great deal of struggling. We don’t know how long a person has struggled with this decision, and one might conclude that this was the only way out of their pain. When a person makes the decision to end their life that decision has far reaching ramifications that impact the lives of the survivors. Survivors are challenged with this transformational decision. Life is never going to be the same after as before. Life has been transformed and the life that was lived before the death has now ended, and there is a whole new life that is waiting to be born as the survivors venture forth into the future. This transformational decision that the loved one made has made a sea change in the lives of the survivors. The survivors are challenged to accept the life that is being transformed before their very eyes. Unfortunately, they were not a part of the decision and the survivors are thrust in to this whole new and different life. There is fear and wonderment as they venture forth into this different life. In most instances the survivors were quite content with their lives. Was it the perfect life? I don’t know many people who have the “perfect life”. It was a good life and it was fulfilling and survivors would give anything to have that life back again. However, that is not going to take place because the life that was lived and experienced is over and there is a transformational life that is waiting to be born and embraced by the survivors. Sometimes that can be very frightening and overwhelming.

Survivors can long for the life that was had prior to the suicide. Unfortunately, that life was buried along with this dearly departed loved one. It is impossible to retrieve that life because a principal person has died. What awaits the survivors? There are a myriad of opportunities awaiting survivors and it takes a lot of thought and courage to engage in these opportunities. Sometimes these opportunities work out and sometimes they do not but it is up to the survivor to try and see what is going to work out to their advantage. This is all part of the lengthy process we call the “grief journey”. The journey is going to unfold as times goes on. There will be ample opportunities for survivors to engage in and it is up to the survivor to try something. The alternative is to spend time wishing that the life prior to the suicide could be recaptured. That life is over. Survivors’ lives have been transformed into something new and different. It is a courageous decision to want to venture forth and be willing to try something new and different. Survivor’s lives have been transformed and they were not part of the decision. That is the tragic effect of the suicide, but now that that has happened it is up to the survivor to make use of the opportunities that are presented. Survivors should be judicious and circumspect as they venture into the future. I don’t want to appear to make this easy. It is not easy and it takes a lot of thought and effort to search out these opportunities but survivor’s happiness and contentment for a future depends on this. It is very important that survivors, in time, are willing to make use of the opportunities that are presented.

As always, I want to assure you of my thoughts and prayers for all members of the LOSS Family on a regular basis and I encourage you to do the same for each other –especially for those people who have recently joined our family. I will especially remember all of you as I gather with my family on Thanksgiving Day for dinner. My prayer is that each and every one of you will discover a future that is filled with hope and opportunities for a good life.

Keep On Keepin’ On,


Archives:

From the desk of Father Rubey
Sunday, November 01, 2015 by Father Rubey
During the month of November we celebrate the feast of Thanksgiving which is one of the great American celebrations. It is a day when families gather to watch football and have a great meal of turkey and all of the trimmings. A lot of work goes into preparation for the day. All of the shopping that is done is for the food to make the day a real love feast. People try to outdo each other as they prepare the meal. A lot of love goes into the preparation for this day. In many instances Thanksgiving stretches into the whole weekend, it is more than just one day. Families are able to enjoy each other and each other’s presence. It is a great family celebration. Generally, people are in great moods because they are not tired out from running all over the place. 

Thanksgiving is also a time to take stock of some decisions that we have made in our lives. In my estimation, there are two types of decisions that we make in our lives. One type of decision is such that does not transform our lives. Our lives remain basically the same. Such a decision makes an accidental change in life but it is not transformative. An example of such a change would be to make a job change such as going from a sales job to a marketing type of job. One might remain within the same company or go to a different company. Basically, one’s life remains the same. The other type of change is more dramatic and is referred to as a transformational type of change. This type of a decision changes the dynamic of the person’s life. An example of this type of change is the decision to have a child. Such a decision is life-altering in that nothing is the same as before. Another example is the decision to get married. Once that decision is made one alters the life that they had before the marriage. That life that was lived before the marriage is over and a completely different type of life is now going to be experienced. Sometimes these transformational decisions are made by the person or persons and such people live out the results of the decision. They willingly entered into the transformational decision that was made and they willingly live with the consequences of such a decision. 

There are other types of transformational decisions that are made that impact the lives of people who had no part in the decision making process. If a spouse makes the decision that life has become too painful to continue and they end their life, this decision will impact the surviving spouse as well as any children that make up the family structure. If a child makes the decision to end their life this decision will impact the parents as well as the siblings that are a part of the family system. Suicide is by no means a simple decision, and the result of a great deal of struggling. We don’t know how long a person has struggled with this decision, and one might conclude that this was the only way out of their pain. When a person makes the decision to end their life that decision has far reaching ramifications that impact the lives of the survivors. Survivors are challenged with this transformational decision. Life is never going to be the same after as before. Life has been transformed and the life that was lived before the death has now ended, and there is a whole new life that is waiting to be born as the survivors venture forth into the future. This transformational decision that the loved one made has made a sea change in the lives of the survivors. The survivors are challenged to accept the life that is being transformed before their very eyes. Unfortunately, they were not a part of the decision and the survivors are thrust in to this whole new and different life. There is fear and wonderment as they venture forth into this different life. In most instances the survivors were quite content with their lives. Was it the perfect life? I don’t know many people who have the “perfect life”. It was a good life and it was fulfilling and survivors would give anything to have that life back again. However, that is not going to take place because the life that was lived and experienced is over and there is a transformational life that is waiting to be born and embraced by the survivors. Sometimes that can be very frightening and overwhelming.

Survivors can long for the life that was had prior to the suicide. Unfortunately, that life was buried along with this dearly departed loved one. It is impossible to retrieve that life because a principal person has died. What awaits the survivors? There are a myriad of opportunities awaiting survivors and it takes a lot of thought and courage to engage in these opportunities. Sometimes these opportunities work out and sometimes they do not but it is up to the survivor to try and see what is going to work out to their advantage. This is all part of the lengthy process we call the “grief journey”. The journey is going to unfold as times goes on. There will be ample opportunities for survivors to engage in and it is up to the survivor to try something. The alternative is to spend time wishing that the life prior to the suicide could be recaptured. That life is over. Survivors’ lives have been transformed into something new and different. It is a courageous decision to want to venture forth and be willing to try something new and different. Survivor’s lives have been transformed and they were not part of the decision. That is the tragic effect of the suicide, but now that that has happened it is up to the survivor to make use of the opportunities that are presented. Survivors should be judicious and circumspect as they venture into the future. I don’t want to appear to make this easy. It is not easy and it takes a lot of thought and effort to search out these opportunities but survivor’s happiness and contentment for a future depends on this. It is very important that survivors, in time, are willing to make use of the opportunities that are presented.

As always, I want to assure you of my thoughts and prayers for all members of the LOSS Family on a regular basis and I encourage you to do the same for each other –especially for those people who have recently joined our family. I will especially remember all of you as I gather with my family on Thanksgiving Day for dinner. My prayer is that each and every one of you will discover a future that is filled with hope and opportunities for a good life.

Keep On Keepin’ On,