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From the desk of Father Rubey
Tuesday, December 01, 2015 by Father Rubey
In December, most of us celebrate holiday events of different religious traditions. The season can stir up a lot of feelings for survivors of a suicide. The season can be very painful for grieving people because there is gaiety and celebration all around us. Grieving people are in no mood to celebrate and would like the holiday season to be stricken from the calendar. That is not going to happen any time soon – if ever. Grieving survivors wonder if they will ever be happy again or feel like living again. That is a very normal reaction. Initially survivors feel empty and don’t feel like living and wonder if they are going to survive this awful event. Very often, for weeks or months, survivors walk around in a daze and are not sure what is going on in the world around them. At this stage survivors are unaware of what is going on in the world and furthermore they really don’t care. They are totally consumed by the fact that they lost a loved one to suicide and can’t concentrate or even care what is going on in their own world and in the world in general. They want to take a timeout from life. It will not be this way forever. There will come a time in the future when survivors will rejoin life again. When will this happen? It depends on the survivor and the survivor’s will to live again and to adjust to the transformed life that results in the aftermath of a suicide.

At some point survivors are challenged to embrace what happened in their life. This is a major challenge and the question becomes what can be learned from this horrendous event that has been visited upon this individual and this individual’s family. Life will never be the same again. The life that was lived and enjoyed before the suicide is over and a whole new chapter in life is going to evolve. It is at this point that survivors are at a real crossroad in their life. Aeschylus, the poet, wrote, “In our sleep, pain which cannot forget falls drop by drop upon the heart until, in our own despair, against our will, comes wisdom through the awful grace of God.” Survivors are challenged to make a decision about what lesson can be learned from this tragedy and what am I willing to do to make a difference in the world after losing this loved one. That is a major step in the grieving process. Survivors are challenged to make something positive out of this tragic event. Survivors are asked to make a major decision and that is what am I going to do for the rest of my life now that it has been changed by this loved one’s suicide? 

During the holiday season, it is customary to give gifts to loved ones to celebrate the season of gift giving. The greatest gift that a survivor can give to themselves is the gift of wanting to live again and to search for ways to reenter life. This is a decision that takes a lot of thought and quiet reflection on just what is the survivor is going to do for the rest of their life as they venture forth in uncharted waters. It is not suggested that survivors wallow in the intense pain of grief forever. It is very possible that survivors can find happiness and fulfillment in their life. Over the years members of the LOSS family have blossomed after they have gotten through the intense period of the grief journey. It takes a lot of thought and courage to venture forth in life and to make changes in order to find meaning in life. It will not happen automatically. It takes effort and ingenuity to recreate a life after the awful tragic of losing a loved one from suicide. 

Survivors have accomplished great things in their lives after losing a loved one from suicide. Foundations have been formed to remember a loved one. The foundation can have a purpose such as suicide prevention or some other suicide related mission. Such efforts ensure that this loved one is remembered in an appropriate fashion. Other survivors have gotten involved in other facets of mental illness such as ways to decrease the stigma attached to mental illness. This illness plagues people’s lives in unspeakable ways and whatever can be done to lessen the pain of the stigma is work that is direly needed. The point is that there are a myriad number of ways to become engaged in activities related to mental illness or the aftermath of a completed suicide. There is much work that needs to be done in this area and such work can bring a great deal of satisfaction to people who are grieving the loss of a loved one from suicide. 

No greater gift can a survivor receive from themselves as the gift to recreate a meaningful life again for themselves in the aftermath of losing a loved one to suicide. This effort will not fall from the sky and inspire the survivor. It can come from a Higher Power. It will evolve from thoughtful reflection and prayer to discover just what can be done as the survivor ventures forth into life and grows from the pain of the grief journey. Such efforts are not for everyone. Survivors might just want to resume life without this loved one and make the best of it. That can be sufficient as long as the survivor does not attempt to recreate life as it was prior to the suicide. That portion of one’s life is over and never to be retrieved. Such attempts can lead to major frustration and disappointment. Happiness and fulfillment and joy are very possible after the tragedy of losing a loved one from suicide. It takes a lot of courage to make the effort and the results are very gratifying and lives can be transformed. Survivors are asked to make the decision first and then find creative ways to make this happen. It can be done. It has been done by countless survivors. There is a life after a suicide. It takes thought, planning and a willingness to be creative and rely on the wisdom of a Higher Power. Aeschylus has a point.
As always I want to assure each and every member of the LOSS family of my thoughts and prayers on a regular basis and I encourage you to do the same for each other –especially those who have recently joined our family.

Keep On Keepin’ On,



Archives:

From the desk of Father Rubey
Tuesday, December 01, 2015 by Father Rubey
In December, most of us celebrate holiday events of different religious traditions. The season can stir up a lot of feelings for survivors of a suicide. The season can be very painful for grieving people because there is gaiety and celebration all around us. Grieving people are in no mood to celebrate and would like the holiday season to be stricken from the calendar. That is not going to happen any time soon – if ever. Grieving survivors wonder if they will ever be happy again or feel like living again. That is a very normal reaction. Initially survivors feel empty and don’t feel like living and wonder if they are going to survive this awful event. Very often, for weeks or months, survivors walk around in a daze and are not sure what is going on in the world around them. At this stage survivors are unaware of what is going on in the world and furthermore they really don’t care. They are totally consumed by the fact that they lost a loved one to suicide and can’t concentrate or even care what is going on in their own world and in the world in general. They want to take a timeout from life. It will not be this way forever. There will come a time in the future when survivors will rejoin life again. When will this happen? It depends on the survivor and the survivor’s will to live again and to adjust to the transformed life that results in the aftermath of a suicide.

At some point survivors are challenged to embrace what happened in their life. This is a major challenge and the question becomes what can be learned from this horrendous event that has been visited upon this individual and this individual’s family. Life will never be the same again. The life that was lived and enjoyed before the suicide is over and a whole new chapter in life is going to evolve. It is at this point that survivors are at a real crossroad in their life. Aeschylus, the poet, wrote, “In our sleep, pain which cannot forget falls drop by drop upon the heart until, in our own despair, against our will, comes wisdom through the awful grace of God.” Survivors are challenged to make a decision about what lesson can be learned from this tragedy and what am I willing to do to make a difference in the world after losing this loved one. That is a major step in the grieving process. Survivors are challenged to make something positive out of this tragic event. Survivors are asked to make a major decision and that is what am I going to do for the rest of my life now that it has been changed by this loved one’s suicide? 

During the holiday season, it is customary to give gifts to loved ones to celebrate the season of gift giving. The greatest gift that a survivor can give to themselves is the gift of wanting to live again and to search for ways to reenter life. This is a decision that takes a lot of thought and quiet reflection on just what is the survivor is going to do for the rest of their life as they venture forth in uncharted waters. It is not suggested that survivors wallow in the intense pain of grief forever. It is very possible that survivors can find happiness and fulfillment in their life. Over the years members of the LOSS family have blossomed after they have gotten through the intense period of the grief journey. It takes a lot of thought and courage to venture forth in life and to make changes in order to find meaning in life. It will not happen automatically. It takes effort and ingenuity to recreate a life after the awful tragic of losing a loved one from suicide. 

Survivors have accomplished great things in their lives after losing a loved one from suicide. Foundations have been formed to remember a loved one. The foundation can have a purpose such as suicide prevention or some other suicide related mission. Such efforts ensure that this loved one is remembered in an appropriate fashion. Other survivors have gotten involved in other facets of mental illness such as ways to decrease the stigma attached to mental illness. This illness plagues people’s lives in unspeakable ways and whatever can be done to lessen the pain of the stigma is work that is direly needed. The point is that there are a myriad number of ways to become engaged in activities related to mental illness or the aftermath of a completed suicide. There is much work that needs to be done in this area and such work can bring a great deal of satisfaction to people who are grieving the loss of a loved one from suicide. 

No greater gift can a survivor receive from themselves as the gift to recreate a meaningful life again for themselves in the aftermath of losing a loved one to suicide. This effort will not fall from the sky and inspire the survivor. It can come from a Higher Power. It will evolve from thoughtful reflection and prayer to discover just what can be done as the survivor ventures forth into life and grows from the pain of the grief journey. Such efforts are not for everyone. Survivors might just want to resume life without this loved one and make the best of it. That can be sufficient as long as the survivor does not attempt to recreate life as it was prior to the suicide. That portion of one’s life is over and never to be retrieved. Such attempts can lead to major frustration and disappointment. Happiness and fulfillment and joy are very possible after the tragedy of losing a loved one from suicide. It takes a lot of courage to make the effort and the results are very gratifying and lives can be transformed. Survivors are asked to make the decision first and then find creative ways to make this happen. It can be done. It has been done by countless survivors. There is a life after a suicide. It takes thought, planning and a willingness to be creative and rely on the wisdom of a Higher Power. Aeschylus has a point.
As always I want to assure each and every member of the LOSS family of my thoughts and prayers on a regular basis and I encourage you to do the same for each other –especially those who have recently joined our family.

Keep On Keepin’ On,