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Featured this Month:

From the desk of Father Rubey
Friday, January 01, 2016 by Father Rubey
As we begin a new year survivors for the most part are glad that the holidays are over and all of the decorations can come down and people can settle into a new year. The Christmas carols are over for another nine or ten months and no more Christmas cards and no more feasting on the rich foods of the holidays. The New Year’s resolution can be observed for a few more weeks and then people can settle into the year 2016. One of the thoughts that I have is: what is going to happen to me personally in this year and what is going to happen to our world as we venture forth into this new year. What exciting things will come my way and what challenges will I struggle through? There are a myriad of questions  that people are confronted with as we move into a new year. That is what mystery is all about. As we venture forth in life we are confronted with the future as it unfolds. Survivors of a suicide never dreamed that they would become part of the LOSS family. As one survivor put it, “I have met some of the most wonderful people that I never wanted to meet”. To me that is about the mystery of life and living. 

The older we get the more mysterious life becomes. The recent tragic event that took place in Paris is but one of the mysteries of life. What behooves people to commit such a heinous act and cause such untold sorrow and mayhem? That is one of the great questions that plagues us as we move on in life. Over the years that I have worked in LOSS I have learned to live with mystery and not having the answers. I think that survivors of a completed suicide are challenged to live with mystery as they try to figure out precisely why did their loved one die from suicide. In many instances survivors never know just why their loved one died. Notes never adequately answer that question. The question that survivors have is, “Why did my loved one die from suicide when there are other people in the world with the same challenges as my loved one and they are still living?” There is no answer to that question. That is part of the mystery.

I am generally turned off by people who seem to have all of the answers to some of the profound questions that we have about life. I prefer to relegate these questions to the mysteries of life. I am more comfortable admitting that there are situations in life that defy any rational explanation. I don’t need to know the answers. It is not that I am comfortable with some of the issues that confront the world but I have stopped trying to find answers. I am more comfortable to put these issues in the realm of the mystery of life. I don’t have to know the rationale of some of the vicissitudes of life. I have learned to live with mystery. It is an important part of the grief journey to try to learn the exact reason why a loved one found life so intolerable that suicide was the only way out. That is an important part of the early stages of the journey. I maintain that survivors are challenged to live with the mystery that they might never know precisely why their loved one decided that suicide was the only answer. That position is attained after a very long process in seeking why a loved one could not live any longer in this life. All suicides are tragic. Some suicides result after years of the torture of mental illness that was known to members of the family. Most suicides take people by surprise because while this loved might have had some challenges and some disappointments in life suicide was never seen as an option or a possibility. Suicide was not part of the radar screen of survivors. Survivors are plagued with the question of trying to figure out why this loved one died from suicide. That is where the mystery comes in.

I recently read an article about a man who had spent the majority of his life in facilities that treat people with mental illness. He spent years on various medications and different forms of treatment some of which were putting this man in isolation as a way to treat him. His brother wrote a book about how his brother was treated with his mental illness. The book was made into a documentary of the life of this brother and the struggles that he had with his mental illness. One of the sentences that got my attention went like this: “My brother was a survivor of the horrors of mistreatment, a case history for those who point to the positive effects of kindness and talk therapy, and, perhaps most of all, the embodiment of the bottomless mystery of the human mind”. I was intrigued by reading about the mystery of the human mind. We can’t figure out the human mind. The mind is one of the wonders of creation. Our minds are so profound and complicated and mysterious that often they defy rationality. I have learned to conclude that people who complete suicide think differently than those of us who do not complete suicide. For those who complete suicide their actions made all the sense in the world. For survivors there is no rational explanation that will make sense. Suicide defies any rational explanation. That is one of the mysteries of life.

As we begin a new year I want to assure each and every member of the LOSS family of my thoughts and prayers during my quiet time each day and I encourage all of you to do the same for each other – especially for those people who have recently joined our family. For your information 255 joined the LOSS family in 2015.

Keep On Keepin’ On,


Archives:

From the desk of Father Rubey
Friday, January 01, 2016 by Father Rubey
As we begin a new year survivors for the most part are glad that the holidays are over and all of the decorations can come down and people can settle into a new year. The Christmas carols are over for another nine or ten months and no more Christmas cards and no more feasting on the rich foods of the holidays. The New Year’s resolution can be observed for a few more weeks and then people can settle into the year 2016. One of the thoughts that I have is: what is going to happen to me personally in this year and what is going to happen to our world as we venture forth into this new year. What exciting things will come my way and what challenges will I struggle through? There are a myriad of questions  that people are confronted with as we move into a new year. That is what mystery is all about. As we venture forth in life we are confronted with the future as it unfolds. Survivors of a suicide never dreamed that they would become part of the LOSS family. As one survivor put it, “I have met some of the most wonderful people that I never wanted to meet”. To me that is about the mystery of life and living. 

The older we get the more mysterious life becomes. The recent tragic event that took place in Paris is but one of the mysteries of life. What behooves people to commit such a heinous act and cause such untold sorrow and mayhem? That is one of the great questions that plagues us as we move on in life. Over the years that I have worked in LOSS I have learned to live with mystery and not having the answers. I think that survivors of a completed suicide are challenged to live with mystery as they try to figure out precisely why did their loved one die from suicide. In many instances survivors never know just why their loved one died. Notes never adequately answer that question. The question that survivors have is, “Why did my loved one die from suicide when there are other people in the world with the same challenges as my loved one and they are still living?” There is no answer to that question. That is part of the mystery.

I am generally turned off by people who seem to have all of the answers to some of the profound questions that we have about life. I prefer to relegate these questions to the mysteries of life. I am more comfortable admitting that there are situations in life that defy any rational explanation. I don’t need to know the answers. It is not that I am comfortable with some of the issues that confront the world but I have stopped trying to find answers. I am more comfortable to put these issues in the realm of the mystery of life. I don’t have to know the rationale of some of the vicissitudes of life. I have learned to live with mystery. It is an important part of the grief journey to try to learn the exact reason why a loved one found life so intolerable that suicide was the only way out. That is an important part of the early stages of the journey. I maintain that survivors are challenged to live with the mystery that they might never know precisely why their loved one decided that suicide was the only answer. That position is attained after a very long process in seeking why a loved one could not live any longer in this life. All suicides are tragic. Some suicides result after years of the torture of mental illness that was known to members of the family. Most suicides take people by surprise because while this loved might have had some challenges and some disappointments in life suicide was never seen as an option or a possibility. Suicide was not part of the radar screen of survivors. Survivors are plagued with the question of trying to figure out why this loved one died from suicide. That is where the mystery comes in.

I recently read an article about a man who had spent the majority of his life in facilities that treat people with mental illness. He spent years on various medications and different forms of treatment some of which were putting this man in isolation as a way to treat him. His brother wrote a book about how his brother was treated with his mental illness. The book was made into a documentary of the life of this brother and the struggles that he had with his mental illness. One of the sentences that got my attention went like this: “My brother was a survivor of the horrors of mistreatment, a case history for those who point to the positive effects of kindness and talk therapy, and, perhaps most of all, the embodiment of the bottomless mystery of the human mind”. I was intrigued by reading about the mystery of the human mind. We can’t figure out the human mind. The mind is one of the wonders of creation. Our minds are so profound and complicated and mysterious that often they defy rationality. I have learned to conclude that people who complete suicide think differently than those of us who do not complete suicide. For those who complete suicide their actions made all the sense in the world. For survivors there is no rational explanation that will make sense. Suicide defies any rational explanation. That is one of the mysteries of life.

As we begin a new year I want to assure each and every member of the LOSS family of my thoughts and prayers during my quiet time each day and I encourage all of you to do the same for each other – especially for those people who have recently joined our family. For your information 255 joined the LOSS family in 2015.

Keep On Keepin’ On,