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From the Desk of Father Rubey
Sunday, May 01, 2016 by Father Rubey
During the month of May we celebrate Mother’s Day which is a special day to remember our Mothers both those who are still with us and for those who are in the hereafter. In the vast, vast, vast instances this child is born as a result of human love. Human love is one of the great mysteries in creation. Two people meet at a certain point in their lives and fall in love and a child becomes the result of this love. Why these two people? Why now? There can be other Whys in this equation that really defy an explanation. All of this is part of the mystery of human love.

I recently commemorated the 50th anniversary of my ordination to the priesthood. Over these past 50 years my faith in God has developed and evolved into an experience that is so profound and mysterious that it is impossible to put into words. I attribute this evolution of faith to the work that I have done in the LOSS program. I have learned that suicide defies any reasonable explanation as to why someone would take their life. There have been studies done to try to answer this question and there are many theories as to why someone decides that life is not worth living any longer. Why now and why this loved one? Research has determined that the vast majority of people who complete suicide do so as a result of some form of mental illness. There are countless people who struggle with the same type of mental illness as this loved one. Why this person and why now? Why my loved one? I don’t know of any plausible explanation that can answer that question. I have concluded that that question is relegated to complete mystery. Granted there are some instances where the suicide is more easily explained but there are many more where survivors are plagued with looking for answers and never finding one. The survivors struggle for years trying to find out just what went wrong and what signs were missed. Ultimately they are challenged to live with the fact that they will never know precisely why their loved one found life so intolerable that they had to end their life. Over the years I have learned to live with mystery in not finding out why someone takes their life.

Living with mystery has become a central part of my life and my belief system. Karl Rahner, one of the great theologians of the 20th century, referred to God as Holy Mystery. One thing that we know about God is that God is Holy and the other aspect of God is God is Mystery. We can’t grasp this entity that we call God. We can’t wrap our arms around this Being. God is so elusive and so mysterious and yet so intriguing. Each time I see the word “mystery” in the liturgy it jumps out at me. There are many happenings in our world that seemingly defy any rational explanation and I attribute these happenings to the Mystery of God. I remember one LOSS meeting in particular that captured my belief. During the break one of the participants asked me the question of where was God when his son needed God the most. The son was at the very nadir of his life and why didn’t God rescue his son. This man and his wife were very devoted with their religious beliefs. My response to that man was this was an example of the mystery of God. I honestly believe that.

Survivors struggle looking for answers as to why their loved one took their life. That is all part of the grief journey. These are necessary steps to be taken. Ultimately there are no adequate answers to that question. My contention is that survivors are challenged to live with mystery of never knowing exactly why their loved one found life so intolerable that the only way out was to complete suicide. I worked with a couple years ago who had lost their son to suicide. About a year after their son died the husband was diagnosed with acute leukemia. The treatments had no effect on the illness and the doctors said that this illness was going to be the cause of his death. He asked me if I would 0fficiate at his funeral. I said that I would so we began the process of preparing him for death. In the course of our getting together John would lay out the scene when he would see his son again. He repeatedly reenacted the scene and said that the first question that he would ask Jimmy is, “Why did you do this to us, Jimmy?” John got weaker as the illness progressed and I would visit him and he would go over the scene again and again. I was getting ready to say Mass one Sunday morning when I got a call from John’s wife telling me that John had died during the night. The first thought that came to my mind was that the why that was so paramount in John’s mind no longer mattered once he and Jimmy were reunited. It was at that moment that I had thrown away a list of questions that I was going to present to this Mysterious Entity we call God because once I am part of the Kingdom such questions no longer matter.

It is difficult to live without answers so some of the critical issues and questions that plague us in life. Survivors are challenged to live with the mystery of: Why my loved one? Why now? What did I miss? I wish there were answers. I keep searching and in the meantime I continue to place my belief and trust in Holy Mystery.
As always, I want to assure each and every one of the LOSS family of my thoughts and prayers on a regular basis and I encourage all members of the LOSS family to do the same for each other – especially for those who have recently joined our family. There will be a special remembrance for all of the mothers and grandmothers of LOSS as well as for those who are grieving the loss of a mother or grandmother or mother figure. This day is especially painful for them and I encourage all LOSS members to remember these members especially.

Keep On Keepin’ On,


Archives:

From the Desk of Father Rubey
Sunday, May 01, 2016 by Father Rubey
During the month of May we celebrate Mother’s Day which is a special day to remember our Mothers both those who are still with us and for those who are in the hereafter. In the vast, vast, vast instances this child is born as a result of human love. Human love is one of the great mysteries in creation. Two people meet at a certain point in their lives and fall in love and a child becomes the result of this love. Why these two people? Why now? There can be other Whys in this equation that really defy an explanation. All of this is part of the mystery of human love.

I recently commemorated the 50th anniversary of my ordination to the priesthood. Over these past 50 years my faith in God has developed and evolved into an experience that is so profound and mysterious that it is impossible to put into words. I attribute this evolution of faith to the work that I have done in the LOSS program. I have learned that suicide defies any reasonable explanation as to why someone would take their life. There have been studies done to try to answer this question and there are many theories as to why someone decides that life is not worth living any longer. Why now and why this loved one? Research has determined that the vast majority of people who complete suicide do so as a result of some form of mental illness. There are countless people who struggle with the same type of mental illness as this loved one. Why this person and why now? Why my loved one? I don’t know of any plausible explanation that can answer that question. I have concluded that that question is relegated to complete mystery. Granted there are some instances where the suicide is more easily explained but there are many more where survivors are plagued with looking for answers and never finding one. The survivors struggle for years trying to find out just what went wrong and what signs were missed. Ultimately they are challenged to live with the fact that they will never know precisely why their loved one found life so intolerable that they had to end their life. Over the years I have learned to live with mystery in not finding out why someone takes their life.

Living with mystery has become a central part of my life and my belief system. Karl Rahner, one of the great theologians of the 20th century, referred to God as Holy Mystery. One thing that we know about God is that God is Holy and the other aspect of God is God is Mystery. We can’t grasp this entity that we call God. We can’t wrap our arms around this Being. God is so elusive and so mysterious and yet so intriguing. Each time I see the word “mystery” in the liturgy it jumps out at me. There are many happenings in our world that seemingly defy any rational explanation and I attribute these happenings to the Mystery of God. I remember one LOSS meeting in particular that captured my belief. During the break one of the participants asked me the question of where was God when his son needed God the most. The son was at the very nadir of his life and why didn’t God rescue his son. This man and his wife were very devoted with their religious beliefs. My response to that man was this was an example of the mystery of God. I honestly believe that.

Survivors struggle looking for answers as to why their loved one took their life. That is all part of the grief journey. These are necessary steps to be taken. Ultimately there are no adequate answers to that question. My contention is that survivors are challenged to live with mystery of never knowing exactly why their loved one found life so intolerable that the only way out was to complete suicide. I worked with a couple years ago who had lost their son to suicide. About a year after their son died the husband was diagnosed with acute leukemia. The treatments had no effect on the illness and the doctors said that this illness was going to be the cause of his death. He asked me if I would 0fficiate at his funeral. I said that I would so we began the process of preparing him for death. In the course of our getting together John would lay out the scene when he would see his son again. He repeatedly reenacted the scene and said that the first question that he would ask Jimmy is, “Why did you do this to us, Jimmy?” John got weaker as the illness progressed and I would visit him and he would go over the scene again and again. I was getting ready to say Mass one Sunday morning when I got a call from John’s wife telling me that John had died during the night. The first thought that came to my mind was that the why that was so paramount in John’s mind no longer mattered once he and Jimmy were reunited. It was at that moment that I had thrown away a list of questions that I was going to present to this Mysterious Entity we call God because once I am part of the Kingdom such questions no longer matter.

It is difficult to live without answers so some of the critical issues and questions that plague us in life. Survivors are challenged to live with the mystery of: Why my loved one? Why now? What did I miss? I wish there were answers. I keep searching and in the meantime I continue to place my belief and trust in Holy Mystery.
As always, I want to assure each and every one of the LOSS family of my thoughts and prayers on a regular basis and I encourage all members of the LOSS family to do the same for each other – especially for those who have recently joined our family. There will be a special remembrance for all of the mothers and grandmothers of LOSS as well as for those who are grieving the loss of a mother or grandmother or mother figure. This day is especially painful for them and I encourage all LOSS members to remember these members especially.

Keep On Keepin’ On,